On Missing Church

Today I am at home.

A few days ago I picked up some sort of virus that now has decided that it is rather happy and wants to stay and wreak havoc with my respiratory system. So here I am sitting in my bed instead of being in church.
Even though sleep was illusive last night, I got up early, got our four year old ready and sent her to church with her daddy.
After their departure, I decided to push through the fog of this annoying, unpleasant malady and get ready and go to church, too. I took a shower, put on make-up, and... that's it. By this point I am completely exhausted. Now I am very tired and sad as well.
I hate missing church. My four year old would be appalled to know that I used the word "hate", but in this instance it is true.
For my spiritual well-being I need the opportunity to worship corporately,to study the Bible with other people, to hear the Word of God preached by an anointed pastor, and have community with the family of Christ.
My heart is to be in fellowship with other believers. My soul needs the strong challenge of digging deep into the Word of God with accountability. I need to be involved in ministry with my church family reaching out with the Gospel to the world around us.
And my church needs me. Even though I am broken, messed up, and sinful, my church still needs me. Because I am a part of the body. I am needed or the body of my local church will not be whole. 
I love my church family because they know me and (for some crazy reason) they want to know me more. They love me.(Not completely sure about their sanity.) They laugh with me and some times, we all laugh at me. In my moments of grief since we have been here, they have loved me through it. They let me be me, but hopefully will not allow me to remain stagnant.

Hebrews 10:23-25

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds,  not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another —and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

I need to be with my church family and they need me. But I'm guessing that for this one day, they will be glad that I am at home and not creating another hazardous material zone.

Who Am I?

This is an earlier post. I am doing a re-run to help new friends get to know me.

Not long ago I was ask to define what I believe to be my role as a Pastor/Elder's wife. The following is my answer to that question.

About 15 years ago I had a head injury that led to me having to reevaluate who I was and am.

What I discovered was that I had a wrong idea about who I was. I thought I was: Kat the wife, Kat the Mom, the Sunday School teacher, the worship leader, the choir member, etc…

When the injury happened I wasn’t able to do most of those things, and any of them very well. For Years!  I spent many days literally on my face in my kitchen floor crying out to God.  Through that experience God has taught me that I am NOT the things that I do.  And that MOST importantly who I am is His child.

I realized that even being Gene’s wife and my children's mom is all dependent on and greatly influenced by, my relationship as daughter to the King of Kings. When that relationship is progressing and good, all of the other relationships and roles in my life are more Kingdom honoring.  When I allow other things to get ahead of my relationship with Jesus Christ, everything else in my life suffers.

Ephesians 5:8-10

"For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth)  and find out what pleases the Lord."

I hope to live as a child of the Light who spends my life finding out what pleases my Father.

So in light of this, I see my role: to be an encourager out of the overflow of my relationship with Christ and to live as transparently as I know how. (You will never have to wonder what I think, just ask.) I believe that if I can encourage, extend grace, live with joy, live at peace (as much as it depends on me), be a faith-full woman and to love people to the best of my ability then I will be fulfilling my calling as a wife, mom, pastor's wife, AND for any other adventure that God may have for me.

Once Upon a Time

Years past

Young man, brown eyes, brown hair

Tall and handsome

You caught my attention

Time passes

Your gentleness, openness

Authenticity

You won my admiration

Your heart for God

You captured my heart

Infatuation grows to love

Love grows to commitment

Marriage begins

We become one

Learning to love

Leaving familiar

Excitement and wonder

Our Son

Oh the joy!

Tiny hands, dark eyes, dark hair

Watching you become Daddy

Family

Love grows

Arguments and walls

Forgiveness and maturity

Commitment grows

Virginia home

Church family

Ministry

Our daughter

Overwhelming joy!

Tiny feet, brown eyes, blonde hair

Daddy’s baby girl

Beautiful

Loving, living

Moments of pain

Of grief, heartache, loneliness

Lifetime of joy

Laughter, companionship, and adventure

Our daughter

Surprised and joy-full!

Waiting…Black eyes, black hair

Baba and baby

Grateful

Time marches

Giving, loving

Grief, pain

Living

Our daughter

Chosen by our son

Beauty and grace, brown eyes, black hair

Watching and learning from you

Blessed again with joy

Changes

Leaving

New vision, new place

Precious, peaceful

Loving and being loved

Growth

Fulfill calling, inner peace

Pastor, Elder

Hope, encourage, love

My husband

My friend, my love

My mentor, coach, counselor

Pastor, provider

My hero

Gene,

I am so grateful for you. God has blessed us far beyond our ability to imagine. I will thank God for you as long as there is breath in me.

I love you forever!

Kat

A Place of Peace

 The day we moved in to our new house, Gene and I took time to pray that God would bless our home.We also prayed that He would make it a place of peace and rest. That it would be a place where Jesus would honored and people would feel welcome.
A few weeks ago we had the privilege of helping a friend through a difficult time. From both our friend and the friend who brought her to us came the comment, "Your home feels so peaceful."
I have been thinking about what exactly makes any of us feel peace? Is it a nice house that smells new? Probably not. Is it getting away from the circumstances that rob us of peace? Maybe, but if that were really true then we would not continually rerun painful and hurtful conversations or events in our minds. I believe that perhaps it has more to do with each of us getting in a position to receive peace from God.
I just read a blog by a dear friend that speaks to this so well that I am hoping that you will continue reading at this site: http://www.raceandtask.com/
My continuing prayer is that God will use us and this home as a place where people can get in a position to comprehend and adhere to the "Stories of Peace."

Thank you, Rick Lin for your faithfulness in running the race and giving us a glimpse of all that God is doing in and through you.

A Time to Mourn and a Time to Dance

This post was actually written about three weeks ago. I felt that I needed time to process before I posted it. I know that many people go through life changes, so hopefully, prayerfully, this will be of benefit.




Today is my day for grief. It is not that I set it on the calendar, Kat's Grief Day. It just is. In spite of my mind's constant arguing that it is illogical. It still is. 

Let me explain. 

Before we adopted our precious daughter, the Adoption Agency mandated (Thankfully) that we go through classes to help prepare us for adopting. One of these classes was about Loss and Grief.  For every person, there are losses in their life, and they included everything from death of a family member, loosing ability to function as we once did due to aging, loosing relationships. etc... With every loss comes grief. For example... We loose the ability to open a jar without help, then there will be the grief of facing our humanity and inevitable mortality. These concepts are not new, nor morbid, they just are a part of being human. 

For the past several months there have been many changes in my life, in our lives as a family. I am not typically one who minds change. I am convinced in my soul that with every change comes the benefit of knowing God in a new way. Today, in spite of this deep conviction, my heart is set on grieving. 

The process of moving from one place and era of my life has been long, grueling at times, and consumed with activity.  This past Thursday we closed on our former residence and officially moved. We are still living a nomadic existence, waiting on the new house to be finished.  But in the minds of most, including myself, this was a closing of sorts on the old and a beginning of the new. 

Before I continue, let me remind all 6 or 7 of you who read my blog, I am still completely convinced that we are exactly in the place we are supposed to be. However, there has been loss in our lives, my life these past few months. The loss of home. Home, not just the place but the position.  Home,  the place of familiarity. The place of routine. The place of purpose.
There has also been the loss of ministry. I have been one of the worship leaders in our previous church for years. I feel a huge passion for leading 
God's people in authentic worship. I am grieving the loss of that ministry. 
I know that this is a time of being still, of refining. But, it is a loss for me to grieve. I also know deep in my soul that God has designed the human heart. With that heart He has assured me that there is a time for everything, a time to mourn and a time to dance. 
So right now I will grieve the losses and look forward to the time when I can once again celebrate the new adventure that God has for me and my family. 

" There is a time for everything, 
 and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 a time to be born and a time to die,
 a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 a time to kill and a time to heal,
 a time to tear down and a time to build,
 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
 a time to mourn and a time to dance"

Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

Blessed are those who dwell in Your house

One closing date for our home has passed and one somewhere in the future. I am taking a few moments to inventory all the huge amount of people and things God has put in my life.

 I have the most amazing family. I am married to the most godly man I have ever met, who loves me so much more than I deserve. I have an awesome son and daughter-in-law, who constantly amaze and humble me with their desire to serve God through serving people. I have an absolutely gorgeous daughter who loves God with all her heart, who is completely unaware of her beauty, who has an astounding ability to love people no matter what. I have a beautiful little Asian princess daughter who always leaves me with my jaw on the floor at the depth of insight that God has given to her at such a young age. I am so thankful for my family. 

 I have friends that know me and still love me unconditionally. I have a new church family that I am growing more in love with every day. I have extended family that I love and, well, they are stuck with me.

 Considering there are 4.5 million refugees in Sudan, nearly 2 million refugees in Somalia, between 3 and 5 million in Columbia, between 1 to 3 million in Iraq, and almost 2 million in the Congo, also that there are somewhere near 145 million orphans in the world, I have absolutely everything!

 I am humbled! I am grateful! I am moved to repentance! I pray that my heart would continually see the world through God's eyes. That I could have a heart that aches and grieves for refugees and orphans and widows. That as I sit here in a house that is warm, with food in my stomach, I would be Jesus' hands and feet to the world around me. I pray for forgiveness when I am consumed with myself when there are millions who have neither home, nor family, nor the awareness of the One who can fill every need. And may my deepest longing be to dwell in Your house, Oh God my Father!

 Psalm 84:2-4 My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out  for the living God.  Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself,  where she may have her young,  a place near your altar, LORD Almighty, my King and my God.  Blessed are those who dwell in your house; they are ever praising you.

New International Version (NIV)

Back to blogging

To look at the date of the last post one would think that I have no thoughts or anything to say. Maybe Kat just sits around relaxing, eating Bon-bons (whatever they are), taking up space on a crowded planet. While I am taking up space on this planet, relaxing and eating the infamous Bon-bons has not been in my schedule.
As I have recorded in the previous post, my family is moving. So for the past few months I have been painting, repairing,  and getting the house ready to sell. I have searched, searched and searched some more until I found a house for our family to move to. I have packed all our belongings.  I have supervised the moving and storing of said belongings. (Thank you to all the Seaford folks for all the help in packing, moving and cleaning! Thank you to the men from Bethany Place for your help in moving and storage!)
This past week I chose carpet and countertops for our house. And now after months of insane busyness, I get to relax. So, here I sit trying to think of something worthy of posting to take everyone's time and attention, and to be honest, "I got nothing!" So, all that is left for me to say now is... Pass the Bon-Bons!!!