Paper Cuts and Perspective

I love to laugh.
It is one of my favorite activities. Laughing and seeing other people laugh is such a contagious thing. I don't even mind when people laugh at me. I think many things that I do are pretty funny too. I am not a comedian in any way but I recognize that due to my ADD tendencies, I find myself in some fairly odd situations. 
I once had to keep a tissue on the end of my nose during a drama scene of a musical because my nose was bleeding. Just before that scene I was backstage and our drama director came past me with a script just at "nose level." I turned my head to look at her and, believe it or not, I got a fairly significant paper cut on the end of my nose.
I also love to laugh and joke with my family. We are all very unique in some ways and yet incredibly similar in other respects so when we are all in the same place for any length of time there are always some very funny things said or done.
Lately I haven't laughed very much and I miss it. There are some seasons of life that just don't produce many things to laugh about, and that is okay. But to be honest, every time I enter a season like this, it terrifies me. 
I have known too many people who have forgotten how to laugh. I have watched as friends let life defeat them. I have observed people who left behind the gift of laughter and became bitter. I have seen age, pain, grief and loss be allowed to steal laughter and joy.
I want to be the kind of person that is fun to be around because laughter could break out at any moment. I want the joy of my salvation in Christ Jesus to so permeate every facet of my life that even in difficult times I will still have the light of gratitude shining through me. I want gratitude to so outweigh anything else that may come into my life. I want there always to be  joy in my eyes and laughter close to my lips.  
And knowing myself as I do, a paper cut could be just around the corner.

"Then our mouth was filled with laughter,
and our tongues with shouts of joy;
then they said among the nations,
 "The Lord has done great things for them."
The Lord has done great things for us; we are glad."
Psalms 126:2-3

Contemplating My Funeral

I Wonder

I wonder what will be said about me at my funeral service

I wonder if my children will know how much I have loved them

I wonder if my husband has any idea of the deep respect and unending love that I have for him

I wonder if I have adequately been able to convey my love for my friends 

I wonder if my church family knows how grateful that I am for their acceptance and love

I wonder if walking the fine line of keeping confidences had made me seem closed 

I wonder if the pain of walking through tragedy has etched scars on my face

I wonder if being fiercely protective of my family has given the appearance of being cold

I wonder if friends or family walked a day feeling what I feel, experiencing what I live, would bring surprise

Would anyone believe my grief over my sin

Would there be embarrassment at the desperation I feel to live a life of worship

Would there be pity for the things that I have yet to overcome

I wonder if I have laughed, cried, celebrated, seen, heard, grieved, or loved as I should

I wonder if I have honored God 

I wonder if I have advanced the kingdom of God

"It's Late and I Can't Sleep...So"

It has been a while since I posted, so I thought that I would write my version of  "25 Random Things About Me" in relation to a facebook post that Gene wrote a few years ago. I will give you his list first then mine.

25 Random Things about Me

by 

Dr. Roland E. Cornett, DMin.

1. There are 18 years between my second and third children
2. I lost my passport in Europe and an entire choir tour had to be re-routed because of me.
3. Unlike Aimee Powers who reads 45 books per year, I just purchase 45 books per year.
4. I have never broken a bone
5. I have been to 8 countries and saw another from about 20 feet away. They wouldn’t let me in.
6. I totaled a station wagon that belonged to Cumberland College.
7. I chose to read, from cover to cover, a 426 pg. book called How to Read A Book. I am not making this up.
8. I wanted to be an opera singer and an NBA basketball player, but not in that order.
9. I have never been to New York City. (He has been to NYC since this list was made.) 
10. I spent 9 days in London, England by myself.
11. I have an amazing wife that I love very much. 
12. I am very proud of my three(!) amazing and hysterical kids
13. I miss snow.
14. I worked for an electrical and plumbing supply store, but know nothing about either.
15. I worked for my grandmother’s farm & garden store, but don’t know how to farm or garden.
16. I have acted in the role of Lancelot, Peter, Jesus, Mordecai and a number of other random characters.
17. I always sang terribly in vocal competitions in college and only made it past the first round one time.
18. I turned in a term paper on time management exactly one month late.
19. I almost drowned at R.A. camp
20. I sat in the back seat to chaperone my sister Lara’s first date.
21. I played Santa Claus when I was skinny and had brown hair. 
22. I have never been hunting
23. I love to snow ski, but cannot figure out water skiing.
24. I once retrieved a book that I had dropped into a port a potty, but then Kat made me throw it away.
25. I have ridden a mechanical bull, and the bull was at a roller skating rink.

"It's Late and I Can't Sleep...So"

My Corresponding List

by

Kat Cornett, addwifeandmom

1. There are 18 years between my 2^nd and 3^rd children, too!

2. When Gene lost his passport on the choir trip in Europe, Not only did I surrender one of my pictures of  him for a new passport, I also paid for the new passport.

3. I read literally hundreds of books each year, most of the books have titles such as; “The Very Hungry Caterpillar,” “If You Give a Moose a Muffin,”  "A Very Veggie Christmas.”

4. I have had two broken bones. Hannah broke my arm when she was six. Gene fractured my ankle while we were playing softball.

5. I have visited 5 countries and lived in Texas for 4 years.

6. I have never wrecked or even driven a car that belonged to Cumberland College.

7. Even if I had Cliff Notes on “How to Read a Book” I would not read it.

8. I wanted to be an airplane pilot when I was growing up. Now I am the proud pilot of a minivan.

9. I have never been to Chunky, Mississippi. I have been to Hell For Certain, Kentucky.

10. I have never spent 9 days by myself. I consider it a privilege to go to the bathroom by myself without the door being banged by either a child or the dog,

11. I have the BEST husband! I married way over my head.

12. I am so proud of my 4 children. They really are hysterical.

13. I miss fussing at Will for eating all the saltine crackers.

14. I worked for McDonalds while in College. I don’t know what the French fries are made from, but I have my suspicions.

15. I have never worked for a farm or garden store, but I know how to farm and garden.

16. I have acted in the role of Randy Vaught’s wife, and a number of minor roles.

17. I won the Miss Bullitt County Pageant after showing up for the first practice sweaty and dirty from a softball game. How was I to know that I was supposed to be “dressed up?”

18. I was so naïve in college, I didn’t realize that you could turn papers in late.

19.  I almost drowned in the creek when I was little. I have so many siblings it took my parents a couple of head counts to realize one head was missing.

20. I’ve got nothing on this one!

21. I once played Randy Vaught’s wife.

22. I have been hunting, for both real and imagined critters. Snipes, anyone?

23. I will neither water ski nor snow ski. Being appropriately named I do not put myself in a position to fall.

24. I once forbade Gene to bring home a book that he dropped in a port-a-potty. I have no regrets about this decision.

25. Gene held my hand for the first time at a Roller Skating Rink. I have never been in the same room or the same county with a mechanical bull.  

   

The Great Wall

Gene, Noelle and I went out with some friends tonight. We had a very nice dinner. We had time to talk and "catch up"  It had been awhile since we had time to chat so we took our time enjoying being together. But then it happened. We finished our meals and the server ask if we wanted dessert. Because we were celebrating Gene's birthday, he was brought out a small dessert.
Typically, when we go out to eat no one has room for dessert. More times than not most of my meal comes home in a box for whoever happens to get it the next day for lunch. Tonight was the exception for me. We were at a restaurant where they put together an insane combination of chocolate, raspberry sauce and fresh berries. I confess I cannot resist. I warned Gene before we left our house that I would be ordering dessert, but I am not sure that he knew the extent of my daydreaming about it.
So as our friends were politely refusing the variety of confections offered, our server started to leave the table. A moment of sheer panic crossed my brain before I gathered myself enough to call out, "Wait! I will be having dessert! Yes, I will! And no. I do not want any of these miniature excuses for a diabetic bad dream. I want the sugar NIGHTMARE! That's right I want 'The Great Wall of Chocolate!"
Our sweet friends who had never seen this dessert smiled at my insistence but then went right back to talking.  Soon the server returned with a plate that had 6 forks on it. Odd that there were only five people at our table. But even still our friends made no comment. The moment that my dessert was placed on the table the need for all those forks became evident. This dessert is big, no huge! There are six thick layers of dark chocolate cake with a milk chocolate icing, drizzled with a pureed raspberry sauce and served with fresh blackberries, strawberries, and blueberries.
Now I had their attention. I noticed that there were several people "eying" my dessert from other tables. It was a glorious moment as I reached my fork over, shoveled a bite almost as big as Gene's entire dessert and ever so daintily shoved it in my mouth. Oh my! I then encouraged everyone at the table to get a fork and join in.
We all have the opportunity to dive deep into the Word of God. We can find joy and delight in the most filling and satisfying "meal" ever. As we learn to appreciate and love the Bible, we find that we are not satisfied with just filling ourselves, but want to share our delight with others. I am hoping and praying that many will "pick up their forks" and find joy and satisfaction in God's Word. 

Blessed is the man

Who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked

Or stand in the way of sinners

Or sit in the seat of mockers

But his delight is in the law of the Lord,

And on his law he meditates day and night.

Psalm 1: 1-2

Now, I wonder if it's too late for one more bite of that cake?

One Legged Marathon

On Tuesday night the back of my right knee started hurting really bad. In the middle of the night I kept changing between ice and heat to try to at least get to sleep. When my five year old and I got up Wednesday morning and she wasn't feeling too great so after breakfast she was laying on the couch. My leg was hurting but now it was on the front of my upper thigh. I called Gene at work and told him that I was going to call the doctor's office to get an appointment. I called the doctor right after talking to Gene. When I got off of the phone I walked over to the table to do some school work, then suddenly the pain in my leg became excruciating. I was laying over a chair trying to get to my phone. I called Gene and told him to come home that I needed to go to the ER. By the time he got home I thought that I must have a blood clot and literally was dying right there in my living room in front of my sweet baby. She was strangely calm and just kept telling me that Jesus was with me. 
All the way to the hospital the pain was so intense that I could not stop the tears from running down my face. We arrived at the E.R. to find that the hospital was literally overflowing with patients. Some people had been in E.R. rooms for 3 days because there were no other beds empty.  During my 2 hour stint in the waiting room, (could have been worse) I kept thinking that because I hadn't died yet, it seemed that whatever the source of my pain, it  would unlikely be the cause of my demise. However, when I finally was taken back to my own gurney in the hallway, the pain continued to grow worse and I wasn't sure if I was happy or in complete misery at the thoughts that I might live to see another day. 
An aside note of perspective: I am not a person who cries very much. It isn't because I don't care deeply about things, it isn't because I haven't had to deal with pain, it is more because I do deal with pain. Because of a head injury almost 16 years ago, I have found that crying just makes my headaches worse. So the logical thing to keep in mind is, "How bad do you want your head to hurt?" And, "Will I be of any use to anyone if I allow myself to cry?" These private talks make sense in my world!
Back to the privacy of my hallway gurney. By the time the doc stopped by to see me the tears were running a rampage down my face, only to be in competition with the constant stream from my nose. My thoughts were on neither of those things. My thoughts, beside the "I am not going to live through this one" kept going to two things. 
The first was this: "Jesus, the pain that You endured for me was so much more than what I am feeling. You could have stopped it. Yet You endured it for me." 
The second thought was "Jesus, steady my heart for the pain that I am in. Steady my heart."
I hope that this doesn't seem super-spiritual, it is quite the opposite. I was in horrible pain and was seeking, begging for relief. But I have chosen so many times in circumstances of lesser pain to believe that God loves me, has a plan for me, is refining me, and is always faithful, that the longer I live in relationship with the Almighty God, the more I know that He is the only one that I turn to when I am in need. I am so grateful to Him for giving me another day with my family and friends. I am extremely thankful that He has let me live in a time where there is a hospital with physicians and prescription pain meds close to our house. I am most grateful that The God of all creation wants to be in an intimate relationship with me. 
Post script. Even with a second episode and visit to the doctor, they have no idea what is going on. I ask for your prayers. 
Thanks for reading.

Torn Muscles and Enlarged Hearts

Every time I sit to write some thought provoking or at least semi-intelligent blog, I realize that I have no ideas that haven't been already expressed, no joys not previously celebrated, no griefs that are new, no trials that would surprise, no counsel unspoken. While that may leave me at a loss for words it also brings a strange since of comfort. 

I am hopefully nearing the end of my bout with the influenza virus and am finally feeling somewhat human again. This too has been an experience though most unpleasant and filled with moments of being downright painful is not new, and is in light of eternity, very temporary. There are so many things in this life that can be filed in this category: not new, not original, and temporary.

As Solomon says in Ecclesiastes, "There is nothing new under the sun." 

As I have contemplated these thoughts they have reminded me of biology. (That is just the way my mind works!) For those who wish to have a muscular body, there is a process that must happen. For muscles to be "built" they must be torn down first. Not just once but many times. Over and over. Tearing down then building up. What is odd about this process is that with with each tearing there is a new level of strength, of endurance that is built. In order to become a physically strong person, one must be willing to go through the long process of being torn down again and again. 

It is no surprise to find then to become a person of Christlike character a similar process needs to occur. I would guess that in most cases the end result would demand an even longer and more stringent process of tearing down and building up. The tendency of humans, certainly myself, is that with a temporary dose of the process the only thing that gets built is pride. Pride building up is a toxin that given time and freedom destroys its host. However, with trouble, sickness, heartache, loneliness, being misunderstood and other pain, we find that through the "tear down- build up" process our hearts, our souls, can become large. We can learn that there is Someone who has gone before us. One who has known every pain, every heartache, has known loneliness in a way we could never imagine. He, being God in the flesh, Jesus Christ, is in charge of our hearts, if we have given ourselves to Him. He is in charge of our hearts, minds, emotions, our very souls. So with every "tear-down" that He allows to enter our lives, there is a process in action to build us up. A beautiful building of strength and love and compassion that is enlarging our hearts for each other and for those who suffer and are in need. For those lonely and in pain. And with every enlarged heart there is a death-blow dealt to pride because we know that we would never ask for these lessons. They are a gift from the One who sees and knows everything. He knows that while we may see our circumstances as trials, He knows they have been allowed as "strength training."

My encounter with the flu has not been a great trial but it has led me to remember that while I have nothing original going on in my life, God Himself has very unique thoughts and plans for me. And those plans include things that will tear down, build up, strengthen, grow, and enlarge my heart. I will not invite hard things into my life, but I am praying that I will not run from the things that will serve to help me know Christ more intimately. 

                     "But that's not all! We gladly suffer,  because we know that suffering helps us to endure.  And endurance builds character, which gives us a hope  that will never disappoint us. All of this happens because God has given us the Holy Spirit, who fills our hearts with his love." (Romans 5:3-5 CEV) 

I Have

I have known the pain of abuse

I have felt the fear of being alone, even in a crowd

I have known the sadness of being different, of being misunderstood

I have felt what it means to be poor

I have known the anguish of being told there would probably be no children from my womb

I have felt the pain of being betrayed

I have known physical pain and the emotional pain of no diagnosis, no cure

I have felt helpless as I have watched others suffer and grieve

I have known the unconditional love of my husband

I have felt the joy of my children’s births and adoption and entering my life through marriage to my son

I have known the unbelievable, amazing delight of being called mommy and mom

I have felt the unexplainable desire to see someone else succeed even if it means that I lose

I have known what it is to have many friends

I have felt accepted and cared for

I have known the excitement of seeing new places, people, and cultures

I have felt the love of a church family

I have known what it is to have more than I need

I have felt what it is to have friends that I could not fathom my life without

I have known what it is to love deeply people that I rarely see, that live in different states and countries.

I have known the Indescribable love of the Father

I have felt the love that drew me, separated me, died and rose again for me, chose, adopted, redeemed and sealed me for eternity.

That in all these things, I, Kat Cornett would be to the Praise of His Glory!