There are many ways that I have grown in my faith.
I believe that walking by faith in Christ Jesus is a continuous, life-long process. I have not arrived at perfect holiness, no where near it. But I long for, I hope for, I pray for, and I strain toward becoming "holy as God is holy."
Even as I see progress in my life, I have recently become aware of an area that is sorely lacking in holiness.
As many, hundreds, even thousands of believers across the world have taken up a figurative pen and begun to write words of encouragement to send to the world through blogs, I too, am scripting words to a webpage. But, of late I have been evaluating my own writing and the motivation behind the words that I publish on this blog.
Why do I write?
Is it to encourage? Is it to let my heart be seen? Is it to "out loud" process life as it happens?
Or are there unholy things at work as I put words to the page?
"I wonder how many people will read my writing?" "Will this person or that person read my thoughts?" "What do people think of what I write?"...etc.
I am not saying that those questions are wrong in and of themselves, it is just that I am wondering why does it matter to me?
Am I honest in my words? Do I write for selfish reasons? Do I write for attention?
I am struggling through these thoughts. I so long to be a person of integrity in all that I do and say. I am struggling through my humanity. I know that as long as I walk this earth there will be times when I fail miserably, but in the deepest part of my heart and soul I long for holiness.
I never want to lean on the "well I'm only human" because I know that God has made me to desire so much more.
I pray, dear Jesus keep me moving closer to You and farther away from the sinful me that wants to be seen and heard.
I will continue to write, but I will be checking my motivation more often before I push the publish key.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Monday, August 19, 2013
Getting To Know You
The Cornett Family
We have 4 official children, One Texan, one from New York, one Virginian, and one from China. Gene is from Kentucky and I usually hail from the Mother Ship.
Our combined cultural heritage is: Native American, Scotch-Irish, German, Italian, Chinese, and Redneck.
Brown eyes dominate the Cornett family, but we have one set of green eyes that can strike fear in some of the brown ones.
We have three with dark brown hair, one light brown, one that we only guess at when purchasing the next box of Clairol and one gray turning loose.
There are three members with dark skin, two with light colored skin and one with a fairly severe farmer's tan.
Our personalities range from two mild introverts, two extroverts, one who would prefer a planet without people and one who is wild and loud enough to communicate with every person or rock on every planet in this galaxy.
All of us love to sing, though some members choose to never hold a microphone in their hands. Two of us don't need a microphone.
The whole family likes to watch movies. One of the family thoroughly enjoys the first five minutes of every movie we watch, then dreams their way through the story... beginning, middle and ending.
We all enjoy going on trips. One of us likes embarking on adventures so much they don't turn the engine off or put the car in park before getting out of it.
Our family is a family that loves to laugh. Some members are genuinely funny. Some are getting more humorous. One declares that they are pretty sure they are getting funnier all the time. The rest of the family agrees, though perhaps not for the same reason.
Most of us love to read. One of us loves to collect books in the event of ever having the chance to read them.
All of us like sports. Two of us have realized that our minds want to write checks that our bodies are just not able to cash.
Of all the differences and all the similarities, there are two common denominators that are the most important: one is that we love each other very much. We like each other. We look forward to the times we get to spend together.
The second is by far the most important: we all love Jesus Christ. We are choosing every day to be disciples (learners) and apostles (teachers) out of our love for our Lord. It is this bond that we hope to pass on for generations to come.
"Choose you this day who you will serve. As for me and my house we will serve The Lord." Joshua 24: 15
We have 4 official children, One Texan, one from New York, one Virginian, and one from China. Gene is from Kentucky and I usually hail from the Mother Ship.
Our combined cultural heritage is: Native American, Scotch-Irish, German, Italian, Chinese, and Redneck.
Brown eyes dominate the Cornett family, but we have one set of green eyes that can strike fear in some of the brown ones.
We have three with dark brown hair, one light brown, one that we only guess at when purchasing the next box of Clairol and one gray turning loose.
There are three members with dark skin, two with light colored skin and one with a fairly severe farmer's tan.
Our personalities range from two mild introverts, two extroverts, one who would prefer a planet without people and one who is wild and loud enough to communicate with every person or rock on every planet in this galaxy.
All of us love to sing, though some members choose to never hold a microphone in their hands. Two of us don't need a microphone.
The whole family likes to watch movies. One of the family thoroughly enjoys the first five minutes of every movie we watch, then dreams their way through the story... beginning, middle and ending.
We all enjoy going on trips. One of us likes embarking on adventures so much they don't turn the engine off or put the car in park before getting out of it.
Our family is a family that loves to laugh. Some members are genuinely funny. Some are getting more humorous. One declares that they are pretty sure they are getting funnier all the time. The rest of the family agrees, though perhaps not for the same reason.
Most of us love to read. One of us loves to collect books in the event of ever having the chance to read them.
All of us like sports. Two of us have realized that our minds want to write checks that our bodies are just not able to cash.
Of all the differences and all the similarities, there are two common denominators that are the most important: one is that we love each other very much. We like each other. We look forward to the times we get to spend together.
The second is by far the most important: we all love Jesus Christ. We are choosing every day to be disciples (learners) and apostles (teachers) out of our love for our Lord. It is this bond that we hope to pass on for generations to come.
"Choose you this day who you will serve. As for me and my house we will serve The Lord." Joshua 24: 15
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Paper Cuts and Perspective
I love to laugh.
It is one of my favorite activities. Laughing and seeing other people laugh is such a contagious thing. I don't even mind when people laugh at me. I think many things that I do are pretty funny too. I am not a comedian in any way but I recognize that due to my ADD tendencies, I find myself in some fairly odd situations.
I once had to keep a tissue on the end of my nose during a drama scene of a musical because my nose was bleeding. Just before that scene I was backstage and our drama director came past me with a script just at "nose level." I turned my head to look at her and, believe it or not, I got a fairly significant paper cut on the end of my nose.
I also love to laugh and joke with my family. We are all very unique in some ways and yet incredibly similar in other respects so when we are all in the same place for any length of time there are always some very funny things said or done.
Lately I haven't laughed very much and I miss it. There are some seasons of life that just don't produce many things to laugh about, and that is okay. But to be honest, every time I enter a season like this, it terrifies me.
I have known too many people who have forgotten how to laugh. I have watched as friends let life defeat them. I have observed people who left behind the gift of laughter and became bitter. I have seen age, pain, grief and loss be allowed to steal laughter and joy.
I want to be the kind of person that is fun to be around because laughter could break out at any moment. I want the joy of my salvation in Christ Jesus to so permeate every facet of my life that even in difficult times I will still have the light of gratitude shining through me. I want gratitude to so outweigh anything else that may come into my life. I want there always to be joy in my eyes and laughter close to my lips.
And knowing myself as I do, a paper cut could be just around the corner.
"Then our mouth was filled with laughter,
and our tongues with shouts of joy;
then they said among the nations,
"The Lord has done great things for them."
The Lord has done great things for us; we are glad."
Psalms 126:2-3
It is one of my favorite activities. Laughing and seeing other people laugh is such a contagious thing. I don't even mind when people laugh at me. I think many things that I do are pretty funny too. I am not a comedian in any way but I recognize that due to my ADD tendencies, I find myself in some fairly odd situations.
I once had to keep a tissue on the end of my nose during a drama scene of a musical because my nose was bleeding. Just before that scene I was backstage and our drama director came past me with a script just at "nose level." I turned my head to look at her and, believe it or not, I got a fairly significant paper cut on the end of my nose.
I also love to laugh and joke with my family. We are all very unique in some ways and yet incredibly similar in other respects so when we are all in the same place for any length of time there are always some very funny things said or done.
Lately I haven't laughed very much and I miss it. There are some seasons of life that just don't produce many things to laugh about, and that is okay. But to be honest, every time I enter a season like this, it terrifies me.
I have known too many people who have forgotten how to laugh. I have watched as friends let life defeat them. I have observed people who left behind the gift of laughter and became bitter. I have seen age, pain, grief and loss be allowed to steal laughter and joy.
I want to be the kind of person that is fun to be around because laughter could break out at any moment. I want the joy of my salvation in Christ Jesus to so permeate every facet of my life that even in difficult times I will still have the light of gratitude shining through me. I want gratitude to so outweigh anything else that may come into my life. I want there always to be joy in my eyes and laughter close to my lips.
And knowing myself as I do, a paper cut could be just around the corner.
"Then our mouth was filled with laughter,
and our tongues with shouts of joy;
then they said among the nations,
"The Lord has done great things for them."
The Lord has done great things for us; we are glad."
Psalms 126:2-3
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Contemplating My Funeral
I Wonder
I wonder what will be said about me at my funeral service
I wonder if my children will know how much I have loved them
I wonder if my husband has any idea of the deep respect and unending love that I have for him
I wonder if I have adequately been able to convey my love for my friends
I wonder if my church family knows how grateful that I am for their acceptance and love
I wonder if walking the fine line of keeping confidences had made me seem closed
I wonder if the pain of walking through tragedy has etched scars on my face
I wonder if being fiercely protective of my family has given the appearance of being cold
I wonder if friends or family walked a day feeling what I feel, experiencing what I live, would bring surprise
Would anyone believe my grief over my sin
Would there be embarrassment at the desperation I feel to live a life of worship
Would there be pity for the things that I have yet to overcome
I wonder if I have laughed, cried, celebrated, seen, heard, grieved, or loved as I should
I wonder if I have honored God
I wonder if I have advanced the kingdom of God
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
"It's Late and I Can't Sleep...So"
It has been a while since I posted, so I thought that I would write my version of "25 Random Things About Me" in relation to a facebook post that Gene wrote a few years ago. I will give you his list first then mine.
25 Random Things about Me
by
Dr. Roland E. Cornett, DMin.
1. There are 18 years between my second and third children
2. I lost my passport in Europe and an entire choir tour had to be re-routed because of me.
3. Unlike Aimee Powers who reads 45 books per year, I just purchase 45 books per year.
4. I have never broken a bone
5. I have been to 8 countries and saw another from about 20 feet away. They wouldn’t let me in.
6. I totaled a station wagon that belonged to Cumberland College.
7. I chose to read, from cover to cover, a 426 pg. book called How to Read A Book. I am not making this up.
8. I wanted to be an opera singer and an NBA basketball player, but not in that order.
9. I have never been to New York City. (He has been to NYC since this list was made.)
10. I spent 9 days in London, England by myself.
11. I have an amazing wife that I love very much.
12. I am very proud of my three(!) amazing and hysterical kids
13. I miss snow.
14. I worked for an electrical and plumbing supply store, but know nothing about either.
15. I worked for my grandmother’s farm & garden store, but don’t know how to farm or garden.
16. I have acted in the role of Lancelot, Peter, Jesus, Mordecai and a number of other random characters.
17. I always sang terribly in vocal competitions in college and only made it past the first round one time.
18. I turned in a term paper on time management exactly one month late.
19. I almost drowned at R.A. camp
20. I sat in the back seat to chaperone my sister Lara’s first date.
21. I played Santa Claus when I was skinny and had brown hair.
22. I have never been hunting
23. I love to snow ski, but cannot figure out water skiing.
24. I once retrieved a book that I had dropped into a port a potty, but then Kat made me throw it away.
25. I have ridden a mechanical bull, and the bull was at a roller skating rink.
2. I lost my passport in Europe and an entire choir tour had to be re-routed because of me.
3. Unlike Aimee Powers who reads 45 books per year, I just purchase 45 books per year.
4. I have never broken a bone
5. I have been to 8 countries and saw another from about 20 feet away. They wouldn’t let me in.
6. I totaled a station wagon that belonged to Cumberland College.
7. I chose to read, from cover to cover, a 426 pg. book called How to Read A Book. I am not making this up.
8. I wanted to be an opera singer and an NBA basketball player, but not in that order.
9. I have never been to New York City. (He has been to NYC since this list was made.)
10. I spent 9 days in London, England by myself.
11. I have an amazing wife that I love very much.
12. I am very proud of my three(!) amazing and hysterical kids
13. I miss snow.
14. I worked for an electrical and plumbing supply store, but know nothing about either.
15. I worked for my grandmother’s farm & garden store, but don’t know how to farm or garden.
16. I have acted in the role of Lancelot, Peter, Jesus, Mordecai and a number of other random characters.
17. I always sang terribly in vocal competitions in college and only made it past the first round one time.
18. I turned in a term paper on time management exactly one month late.
19. I almost drowned at R.A. camp
20. I sat in the back seat to chaperone my sister Lara’s first date.
21. I played Santa Claus when I was skinny and had brown hair.
22. I have never been hunting
23. I love to snow ski, but cannot figure out water skiing.
24. I once retrieved a book that I had dropped into a port a potty, but then Kat made me throw it away.
25. I have ridden a mechanical bull, and the bull was at a roller skating rink.
"It's Late and I Can't Sleep...So"
My Corresponding List
by
Kat Cornett, addwifeandmom
1.
There are 18 years between my 2nd and 3rd children, too!
2. When Gene lost his passport on the choir trip in
Europe, Not only did I surrender one of my pictures of him for a new passport, I also paid for the
new passport.
3. I read literally hundreds of books each year, most of
the books have titles such as; “The Very Hungry Caterpillar,” “If You Give a
Moose a Muffin,” "A Very Veggie Christmas.”
4. I have had two broken bones. Hannah broke my arm when
she was six. Gene fractured my ankle while we were playing softball.
5. I have visited 5 countries and lived in Texas for 4
years.
6. I have never wrecked or even driven a car that belonged
to Cumberland College.
7. Even if I had Cliff Notes on “How to Read a Book” I
would not read it.
8. I wanted to be an airplane pilot when I was growing
up. Now I am the proud pilot of a minivan.
9. I have never been to Chunky, Mississippi. I have been
to Hell For Certain, Kentucky.
10. I have never spent 9 days by myself. I consider it a
privilege to go to the bathroom by myself without the door being banged by
either a child or the dog,
11. I have the BEST husband! I married way over my head.
12. I am so proud of my 4 children. They really are
hysterical.
13. I miss fussing at Will for eating all the saltine
crackers.
14. I worked for McDonalds while in College. I don’t
know what the French fries are made from, but I have my suspicions.
15. I have never worked for a farm or garden store, but
I know how to farm and garden.
16. I have acted in the role of Randy Vaught’s wife, and
a number of minor roles.
17. I won the Miss Bullitt County Pageant after showing
up for the first practice sweaty and dirty from a softball game. How was I to
know that I was supposed to be “dressed up?”
18. I was so naïve in college, I didn’t realize that you
could turn papers in late.
19. I almost
drowned in the creek when I was little. I have so many siblings it took my
parents a couple of head counts to realize one head was missing.
20. I’ve got nothing on this one!
21. I once played Randy Vaught’s wife.
22. I have been hunting, for both real and imagined
critters. Snipes, anyone?
23. I will neither water ski nor snow ski. Being
appropriately named I do not put myself in a position to fall.
24. I once forbade Gene to bring home a book that he
dropped in a port-a-potty. I have no regrets about this decision.
25. Gene held my hand for the first time at a Roller
Skating Rink. I have never been in the same room or the same county with a
mechanical bull.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
The Great Wall
Gene, Noelle and I went out with some friends tonight. We had a very nice dinner. We had time to talk and "catch up" It had been awhile since we had time to chat so we took our time enjoying being together. But then it happened. We finished our meals and the server ask if we wanted dessert. Because we were celebrating Gene's birthday, he was brought out a small dessert.
Typically, when we go out to eat no one has room for dessert. More times than not most of my meal comes home in a box for whoever happens to get it the next day for lunch. Tonight was the exception for me. We were at a restaurant where they put together an insane combination of chocolate, raspberry sauce and fresh berries. I confess I cannot resist. I warned Gene before we left our house that I would be ordering dessert, but I am not sure that he knew the extent of my daydreaming about it.
So as our friends were politely refusing the variety of confections offered, our server started to leave the table. A moment of sheer panic crossed my brain before I gathered myself enough to call out, "Wait! I will be having dessert! Yes, I will! And no. I do not want any of these miniature excuses for a diabetic bad dream. I want the sugar NIGHTMARE! That's right I want 'The Great Wall of Chocolate!"
Our sweet friends who had never seen this dessert smiled at my insistence but then went right back to talking. Soon the server returned with a plate that had 6 forks on it. Odd that there were only five people at our table. But even still our friends made no comment. The moment that my dessert was placed on the table the need for all those forks became evident. This dessert is big, no huge! There are six thick layers of dark chocolate cake with a milk chocolate icing, drizzled with a pureed raspberry sauce and served with fresh blackberries, strawberries, and blueberries.
Now I had their attention. I noticed that there were several people "eying" my dessert from other tables. It was a glorious moment as I reached my fork over, shoveled a bite almost as big as Gene's entire dessert and ever so daintily shoved it in my mouth. Oh my! I then encouraged everyone at the table to get a fork and join in.
We all have the opportunity to dive deep into the Word of God. We can find joy and delight in the most filling and satisfying "meal" ever. As we learn to appreciate and love the Bible, we find that we are not satisfied with just filling ourselves, but want to share our delight with others. I am hoping and praying that many will "pick up their forks" and find joy and satisfaction in God's Word.
Typically, when we go out to eat no one has room for dessert. More times than not most of my meal comes home in a box for whoever happens to get it the next day for lunch. Tonight was the exception for me. We were at a restaurant where they put together an insane combination of chocolate, raspberry sauce and fresh berries. I confess I cannot resist. I warned Gene before we left our house that I would be ordering dessert, but I am not sure that he knew the extent of my daydreaming about it.
So as our friends were politely refusing the variety of confections offered, our server started to leave the table. A moment of sheer panic crossed my brain before I gathered myself enough to call out, "Wait! I will be having dessert! Yes, I will! And no. I do not want any of these miniature excuses for a diabetic bad dream. I want the sugar NIGHTMARE! That's right I want 'The Great Wall of Chocolate!"
Our sweet friends who had never seen this dessert smiled at my insistence but then went right back to talking. Soon the server returned with a plate that had 6 forks on it. Odd that there were only five people at our table. But even still our friends made no comment. The moment that my dessert was placed on the table the need for all those forks became evident. This dessert is big, no huge! There are six thick layers of dark chocolate cake with a milk chocolate icing, drizzled with a pureed raspberry sauce and served with fresh blackberries, strawberries, and blueberries.
Now I had their attention. I noticed that there were several people "eying" my dessert from other tables. It was a glorious moment as I reached my fork over, shoveled a bite almost as big as Gene's entire dessert and ever so daintily shoved it in my mouth. Oh my! I then encouraged everyone at the table to get a fork and join in.
We all have the opportunity to dive deep into the Word of God. We can find joy and delight in the most filling and satisfying "meal" ever. As we learn to appreciate and love the Bible, we find that we are not satisfied with just filling ourselves, but want to share our delight with others. I am hoping and praying that many will "pick up their forks" and find joy and satisfaction in God's Word.
Blessed is the man
Who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
Or stand in the way of sinners
Or sit in the seat of mockers
But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
And on his law he meditates day and night.
Psalm 1: 1-2
Now, I wonder if it's too late for one more bite of that cake?
Monday, January 21, 2013
One Legged Marathon
On Tuesday night the back of my right knee started hurting really bad. In the middle of the night I kept changing between ice and heat to try to at least get to sleep. When my five year old and I got up Wednesday morning and she wasn't feeling too great so after breakfast she was laying on the couch. My leg was hurting but now it was on the front of my upper thigh. I called Gene at work and told him that I was going to call the doctor's office to get an appointment. I called the doctor right after talking to Gene. When I got off of the phone I walked over to the table to do some school work, then suddenly the pain in my leg became excruciating. I was laying over a chair trying to get to my phone. I called Gene and told him to come home that I needed to go to the ER. By the time he got home I thought that I must have a blood clot and literally was dying right there in my living room in front of my sweet baby. She was strangely calm and just kept telling me that Jesus was with me.
All the way to the hospital the pain was so intense that I could not stop the tears from running down my face. We arrived at the E.R. to find that the hospital was literally overflowing with patients. Some people had been in E.R. rooms for 3 days because there were no other beds empty. During my 2 hour stint in the waiting room, (could have been worse) I kept thinking that because I hadn't died yet, it seemed that whatever the source of my pain, it would unlikely be the cause of my demise. However, when I finally was taken back to my own gurney in the hallway, the pain continued to grow worse and I wasn't sure if I was happy or in complete misery at the thoughts that I might live to see another day.
An aside note of perspective: I am not a person who cries very much. It isn't because I don't care deeply about things, it isn't because I haven't had to deal with pain, it is more because I do deal with pain. Because of a head injury almost 16 years ago, I have found that crying just makes my headaches worse. So the logical thing to keep in mind is, "How bad do you want your head to hurt?" And, "Will I be of any use to anyone if I allow myself to cry?" These private talks make sense in my world!
Back to the privacy of my hallway gurney. By the time the doc stopped by to see me the tears were running a rampage down my face, only to be in competition with the constant stream from my nose. My thoughts were on neither of those things. My thoughts, beside the "I am not going to live through this one" kept going to two things.
The first was this: "Jesus, the pain that You endured for me was so much more than what I am feeling. You could have stopped it. Yet You endured it for me."
The second thought was "Jesus, steady my heart for the pain that I am in. Steady my heart."
I hope that this doesn't seem super-spiritual, it is quite the opposite. I was in horrible pain and was seeking, begging for relief. But I have chosen so many times in circumstances of lesser pain to believe that God loves me, has a plan for me, is refining me, and is always faithful, that the longer I live in relationship with the Almighty God, the more I know that He is the only one that I turn to when I am in need. I am so grateful to Him for giving me another day with my family and friends. I am extremely thankful that He has let me live in a time where there is a hospital with physicians and prescription pain meds close to our house. I am most grateful that The God of all creation wants to be in an intimate relationship with me.
Post script. Even with a second episode and visit to the doctor, they have no idea what is going on. I ask for your prayers.
Thanks for reading.
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