A Time to Mourn and a Time to Dance

This post was actually written about three weeks ago. I felt that I needed time to process before I posted it. I know that many people go through life changes, so hopefully, prayerfully, this will be of benefit.




Today is my day for grief. It is not that I set it on the calendar, Kat's Grief Day. It just is. In spite of my mind's constant arguing that it is illogical. It still is. 

Let me explain. 

Before we adopted our precious daughter, the Adoption Agency mandated (Thankfully) that we go through classes to help prepare us for adopting. One of these classes was about Loss and Grief.  For every person, there are losses in their life, and they included everything from death of a family member, loosing ability to function as we once did due to aging, loosing relationships. etc... With every loss comes grief. For example... We loose the ability to open a jar without help, then there will be the grief of facing our humanity and inevitable mortality. These concepts are not new, nor morbid, they just are a part of being human. 

For the past several months there have been many changes in my life, in our lives as a family. I am not typically one who minds change. I am convinced in my soul that with every change comes the benefit of knowing God in a new way. Today, in spite of this deep conviction, my heart is set on grieving. 

The process of moving from one place and era of my life has been long, grueling at times, and consumed with activity.  This past Thursday we closed on our former residence and officially moved. We are still living a nomadic existence, waiting on the new house to be finished.  But in the minds of most, including myself, this was a closing of sorts on the old and a beginning of the new. 

Before I continue, let me remind all 6 or 7 of you who read my blog, I am still completely convinced that we are exactly in the place we are supposed to be. However, there has been loss in our lives, my life these past few months. The loss of home. Home, not just the place but the position.  Home,  the place of familiarity. The place of routine. The place of purpose.
There has also been the loss of ministry. I have been one of the worship leaders in our previous church for years. I feel a huge passion for leading 
God's people in authentic worship. I am grieving the loss of that ministry. 
I know that this is a time of being still, of refining. But, it is a loss for me to grieve. I also know deep in my soul that God has designed the human heart. With that heart He has assured me that there is a time for everything, a time to mourn and a time to dance. 
So right now I will grieve the losses and look forward to the time when I can once again celebrate the new adventure that God has for me and my family. 

" There is a time for everything, 
 and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 a time to be born and a time to die,
 a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 a time to kill and a time to heal,
 a time to tear down and a time to build,
 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
 a time to mourn and a time to dance"

Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

Blessed are those who dwell in Your house

One closing date for our home has passed and one somewhere in the future. I am taking a few moments to inventory all the huge amount of people and things God has put in my life.

 I have the most amazing family. I am married to the most godly man I have ever met, who loves me so much more than I deserve. I have an awesome son and daughter-in-law, who constantly amaze and humble me with their desire to serve God through serving people. I have an absolutely gorgeous daughter who loves God with all her heart, who is completely unaware of her beauty, who has an astounding ability to love people no matter what. I have a beautiful little Asian princess daughter who always leaves me with my jaw on the floor at the depth of insight that God has given to her at such a young age. I am so thankful for my family. 

 I have friends that know me and still love me unconditionally. I have a new church family that I am growing more in love with every day. I have extended family that I love and, well, they are stuck with me.

 Considering there are 4.5 million refugees in Sudan, nearly 2 million refugees in Somalia, between 3 and 5 million in Columbia, between 1 to 3 million in Iraq, and almost 2 million in the Congo, also that there are somewhere near 145 million orphans in the world, I have absolutely everything!

 I am humbled! I am grateful! I am moved to repentance! I pray that my heart would continually see the world through God's eyes. That I could have a heart that aches and grieves for refugees and orphans and widows. That as I sit here in a house that is warm, with food in my stomach, I would be Jesus' hands and feet to the world around me. I pray for forgiveness when I am consumed with myself when there are millions who have neither home, nor family, nor the awareness of the One who can fill every need. And may my deepest longing be to dwell in Your house, Oh God my Father!

 Psalm 84:2-4 My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out  for the living God.  Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself,  where she may have her young,  a place near your altar, LORD Almighty, my King and my God.  Blessed are those who dwell in your house; they are ever praising you.

New International Version (NIV)