The Great Wall

Gene, Noelle and I went out with some friends tonight. We had a very nice dinner. We had time to talk and "catch up"  It had been awhile since we had time to chat so we took our time enjoying being together. But then it happened. We finished our meals and the server ask if we wanted dessert. Because we were celebrating Gene's birthday, he was brought out a small dessert.
Typically, when we go out to eat no one has room for dessert. More times than not most of my meal comes home in a box for whoever happens to get it the next day for lunch. Tonight was the exception for me. We were at a restaurant where they put together an insane combination of chocolate, raspberry sauce and fresh berries. I confess I cannot resist. I warned Gene before we left our house that I would be ordering dessert, but I am not sure that he knew the extent of my daydreaming about it.
So as our friends were politely refusing the variety of confections offered, our server started to leave the table. A moment of sheer panic crossed my brain before I gathered myself enough to call out, "Wait! I will be having dessert! Yes, I will! And no. I do not want any of these miniature excuses for a diabetic bad dream. I want the sugar NIGHTMARE! That's right I want 'The Great Wall of Chocolate!"
Our sweet friends who had never seen this dessert smiled at my insistence but then went right back to talking.  Soon the server returned with a plate that had 6 forks on it. Odd that there were only five people at our table. But even still our friends made no comment. The moment that my dessert was placed on the table the need for all those forks became evident. This dessert is big, no huge! There are six thick layers of dark chocolate cake with a milk chocolate icing, drizzled with a pureed raspberry sauce and served with fresh blackberries, strawberries, and blueberries.
Now I had their attention. I noticed that there were several people "eying" my dessert from other tables. It was a glorious moment as I reached my fork over, shoveled a bite almost as big as Gene's entire dessert and ever so daintily shoved it in my mouth. Oh my! I then encouraged everyone at the table to get a fork and join in.
We all have the opportunity to dive deep into the Word of God. We can find joy and delight in the most filling and satisfying "meal" ever. As we learn to appreciate and love the Bible, we find that we are not satisfied with just filling ourselves, but want to share our delight with others. I am hoping and praying that many will "pick up their forks" and find joy and satisfaction in God's Word. 

Blessed is the man

Who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked

Or stand in the way of sinners

Or sit in the seat of mockers

But his delight is in the law of the Lord,

And on his law he meditates day and night.

Psalm 1: 1-2

Now, I wonder if it's too late for one more bite of that cake?

One Legged Marathon

On Tuesday night the back of my right knee started hurting really bad. In the middle of the night I kept changing between ice and heat to try to at least get to sleep. When my five year old and I got up Wednesday morning and she wasn't feeling too great so after breakfast she was laying on the couch. My leg was hurting but now it was on the front of my upper thigh. I called Gene at work and told him that I was going to call the doctor's office to get an appointment. I called the doctor right after talking to Gene. When I got off of the phone I walked over to the table to do some school work, then suddenly the pain in my leg became excruciating. I was laying over a chair trying to get to my phone. I called Gene and told him to come home that I needed to go to the ER. By the time he got home I thought that I must have a blood clot and literally was dying right there in my living room in front of my sweet baby. She was strangely calm and just kept telling me that Jesus was with me. 
All the way to the hospital the pain was so intense that I could not stop the tears from running down my face. We arrived at the E.R. to find that the hospital was literally overflowing with patients. Some people had been in E.R. rooms for 3 days because there were no other beds empty.  During my 2 hour stint in the waiting room, (could have been worse) I kept thinking that because I hadn't died yet, it seemed that whatever the source of my pain, it  would unlikely be the cause of my demise. However, when I finally was taken back to my own gurney in the hallway, the pain continued to grow worse and I wasn't sure if I was happy or in complete misery at the thoughts that I might live to see another day. 
An aside note of perspective: I am not a person who cries very much. It isn't because I don't care deeply about things, it isn't because I haven't had to deal with pain, it is more because I do deal with pain. Because of a head injury almost 16 years ago, I have found that crying just makes my headaches worse. So the logical thing to keep in mind is, "How bad do you want your head to hurt?" And, "Will I be of any use to anyone if I allow myself to cry?" These private talks make sense in my world!
Back to the privacy of my hallway gurney. By the time the doc stopped by to see me the tears were running a rampage down my face, only to be in competition with the constant stream from my nose. My thoughts were on neither of those things. My thoughts, beside the "I am not going to live through this one" kept going to two things. 
The first was this: "Jesus, the pain that You endured for me was so much more than what I am feeling. You could have stopped it. Yet You endured it for me." 
The second thought was "Jesus, steady my heart for the pain that I am in. Steady my heart."
I hope that this doesn't seem super-spiritual, it is quite the opposite. I was in horrible pain and was seeking, begging for relief. But I have chosen so many times in circumstances of lesser pain to believe that God loves me, has a plan for me, is refining me, and is always faithful, that the longer I live in relationship with the Almighty God, the more I know that He is the only one that I turn to when I am in need. I am so grateful to Him for giving me another day with my family and friends. I am extremely thankful that He has let me live in a time where there is a hospital with physicians and prescription pain meds close to our house. I am most grateful that The God of all creation wants to be in an intimate relationship with me. 
Post script. Even with a second episode and visit to the doctor, they have no idea what is going on. I ask for your prayers. 
Thanks for reading.

Torn Muscles and Enlarged Hearts

Every time I sit to write some thought provoking or at least semi-intelligent blog, I realize that I have no ideas that haven't been already expressed, no joys not previously celebrated, no griefs that are new, no trials that would surprise, no counsel unspoken. While that may leave me at a loss for words it also brings a strange since of comfort. 

I am hopefully nearing the end of my bout with the influenza virus and am finally feeling somewhat human again. This too has been an experience though most unpleasant and filled with moments of being downright painful is not new, and is in light of eternity, very temporary. There are so many things in this life that can be filed in this category: not new, not original, and temporary.

As Solomon says in Ecclesiastes, "There is nothing new under the sun." 

As I have contemplated these thoughts they have reminded me of biology. (That is just the way my mind works!) For those who wish to have a muscular body, there is a process that must happen. For muscles to be "built" they must be torn down first. Not just once but many times. Over and over. Tearing down then building up. What is odd about this process is that with with each tearing there is a new level of strength, of endurance that is built. In order to become a physically strong person, one must be willing to go through the long process of being torn down again and again. 

It is no surprise to find then to become a person of Christlike character a similar process needs to occur. I would guess that in most cases the end result would demand an even longer and more stringent process of tearing down and building up. The tendency of humans, certainly myself, is that with a temporary dose of the process the only thing that gets built is pride. Pride building up is a toxin that given time and freedom destroys its host. However, with trouble, sickness, heartache, loneliness, being misunderstood and other pain, we find that through the "tear down- build up" process our hearts, our souls, can become large. We can learn that there is Someone who has gone before us. One who has known every pain, every heartache, has known loneliness in a way we could never imagine. He, being God in the flesh, Jesus Christ, is in charge of our hearts, if we have given ourselves to Him. He is in charge of our hearts, minds, emotions, our very souls. So with every "tear-down" that He allows to enter our lives, there is a process in action to build us up. A beautiful building of strength and love and compassion that is enlarging our hearts for each other and for those who suffer and are in need. For those lonely and in pain. And with every enlarged heart there is a death-blow dealt to pride because we know that we would never ask for these lessons. They are a gift from the One who sees and knows everything. He knows that while we may see our circumstances as trials, He knows they have been allowed as "strength training."

My encounter with the flu has not been a great trial but it has led me to remember that while I have nothing original going on in my life, God Himself has very unique thoughts and plans for me. And those plans include things that will tear down, build up, strengthen, grow, and enlarge my heart. I will not invite hard things into my life, but I am praying that I will not run from the things that will serve to help me know Christ more intimately. 

                     "But that's not all! We gladly suffer,  because we know that suffering helps us to endure.  And endurance builds character, which gives us a hope  that will never disappoint us. All of this happens because God has given us the Holy Spirit, who fills our hearts with his love." (Romans 5:3-5 CEV)