Glory Revealed

I wrote this several months ago. As I have been reminded in the past few weeks that my life is not my own and that God is in control of both life and death, I am posting this. AND holding on to Romans 8: 18.


This time of year has caught my attention. It is an anniversary of sorts. It was about 17 1/2 years ago that I had a head injury. Some of you are probably thinking, "Well, that explains a lot!"

Actually, it does explain many things about me. Let me go back to bring light to the present.

It is difficult to explain or even for me to completely understand how the way I grew up effected the way I thought about myself, the way I thought about other people and the way that I thought about God. The reality is that although I grew up in poverty and prejudice, I really grew up in my own world. My life was certainly affected by these things, but I never realized until later that these things had birthed and even greater evil in me. Pride.
Coming from poverty I believed that if you worked hard enough poverty could be defeated. And so I worked. I became the first in my family to go to college, with the exception of one semester that my dad completed. To my knowledge, I am the first for generations to graduate from college.  Very subtly pride grew in me.
As I have grown older I have found that given the smallest encouragement pride will grow. I also know from The Word of God that pride is a deal-breaker for really knowing God. So as I have grown in my faith, as I long more and more to intimately know God and grow in that relationship, I must, at every opportunity, be purged of the evil of my own pride.
So it was 17 1/2 years ago that I had the head injury. While I won't go into the details of that injury let me just acknowledge that it was my own fault, no one to blame but myself. This injury has caused years of pain. Most days I have a headache. No pity necessary, just explaining my life. I have learned to deal with the pain that I experience. But some days are worse than others. Some days are excruciating. However, I have learned so much  from the experience of my circumstance.

 A couple of these lessons are:
1. Pride and constant pain cannot live together.
Because of the pain I live with, I understand that there is nothing that I can do to help myself or anyone else.Without the power of the Holy Spirit in me I wouldn't get out of bed, but only because God chooses to use me do I have purpose and meaning.

2. My life is not my own.
I don't get to determine what my day will be like. It may be fine, normal, ordinary. Or it may be one struggle after another. It may be filled with joy. It may be filled with grief. I cannot count on my circumstances to dictate the way I live. Only by allowing Jesus Christ to be foundation do I get to live a life that is not on a constant pendulum.

3.. There is a holy purpose for everything.
I can say without a doubt that I am a completely different person because of the pain I experience. God has taken what was a "not good" event and used it to make me more compassionate to those who hurt. I can grieve with those who experience loss. I can rejoice with those who experience small, seemingly insignificant victories. I live those things.

 I was once ask if I had the ability to go back and change the event of my injury, would I do it? That is a very difficult question. Would I trade the early days of pain, confusion, questioning, grief, loss,and tears that have grown me into who I am today? Would I trade the daily challenge to get out of bed and live a life that is full of joy and thankfulness. I doubt that I would, but I am very glad that it is not my decision to make because I know that God has used my pain to change me. He has used my pain to help me see people differently. He has used my pain to mature me.

So the only answer that makes any sense to me is this:
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."
Romans 8:18

For whatever circumstance you are in today, I hope that my story has encouraged you. I would love to hear how God is using the challenges in your life to reveal His glory.

Strength Training: 1 John 2:3

Strength Training Verse


1 John 2:3


" And by this we know that we have come to know him, if we keep his commandments."


This is one of those days that we all experience at one time or another. I feel as if I have nothing to offer. No words of encouragement or great insight to give. But even as I write these words I realize that this is the best place to be when looking deeply into God's word.


Thinking about 1 John 2:3 reminds me that our assurance that we belong to God flows from evidence of growing obedience. But while studying the verse a seemingly unrelated command came to my mind. "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18.


We call these our Strength Training verses for a good reason. It's not because we are already strong on our own, but because we can only develop spiritual strength through internalizing God's word. It's when we acknowledge our weakness that we are in a position to receive God's strength. As Paul reported in 1 Corinthians 12: 9-10:


"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."


So in the spirit of these passages, I offer this prayer.


"Dear Almighty God, Maker of heaven and earth, Maker of every person, You know every detail of our lives. You know our weaknesses, our pain, our grief, and our joy. You have designed us for abundant life filled with praise and worship to you. Father, we long to know you more and to be a people who keeps your commands, but we also know that our hearts are prone to wander. I pray for myself and for each person reading that we will be careful to study your Word so that we will hunger to obey your commands. Give us a passion for You so that not only will we know that we belong to You, but that the world will know that we are your people. In Jesus' name and for His glory. Amen"

Red Eyes and Drippy Noses

I had a sweet friend send this picture to me last week. I so appreciated her insight into the path that grief takes. It is a long and winding road that takes turns that you don't expect. 

I am humbled that so many people have voiced the same sentiments. 

However, yesterday I was asked how I was doing. To which I replied, "Not good." I always assume that if someone cares enough to ask they want the truth when I answer. To my amazement this person then said, "Aren't you about over this yet." When I was able to speak again I simply said, "No. No I am not." 

My Mom went to be with Jesus a week and a half ago and I am not even beginning to get over it. I am not getting over that I no longer can call and hear her voice on the phone. I am not getting over that for as long as I am on this earth I will not see her again. I am not even a little bit over seeing my Dad grieve over the woman that he loved and was married to for 58 years. I am not over seeing my 6 brothers and two sisters weeping. I am not over seeing grandchildren and great-grandchildren crying for their grandmother. I am also very sure that I may never get over watching my Mom take her last breath, watching the doctor come in and pronounce her death. I am not over leaving my Daddy, driving out of the driveway and hearing ask me to come back soon. 

I know that people say and do things when they are uncomfortable that they really don't mean. I understand. I wish that we all could know and say the right thing at the right time. But there will always be times when we leave a conversation wishing we could just pull a blanket over our heads and hide for a millennium or so. 

Perhaps the best thing to do in situations like this is to...
Weep with those who weep.
Celebrate with those who celebrate. 
And in times when a follower of Christ goes home, to realize that from one moment to the next, for family and friends the two emotions can and do exist together. 

I am celebrating my mom's homecoming but I am also grieving. 

I have had several people from my church say these things to me as they try keep from crying:
"My mother died 50 years ago and I still miss her." 
"My mom went to heaven in 1997, I still cry."
"My dad has been with Jesus for 20 years and I sometimes still find myself going to the phone to call before I remember." 
"My parents passed away years ago and very few days go by that I don't think of them and feel that pain."

These are the things that are salve to my heartache. 

I don't know when this will get easier. Please be patient with me. Please share your grief with me. We can cry together and then laugh with each other at our red eyes and drippy noses. 

Tonight I Mourn

"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,...

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance..."  Ecclesiates3:1,2a,4

Yesterday my Mom went home to be with Jesus. 

After years of pain Mom is now in the presence of God laughing and dancing in the streets of Heaven. I am so happy for her. 

But tonight I am weeping and mourning. In the past few hours the things that have caught me off guard and turn me into a torrent of pain and tears have been things that I didn't see coming... 

Calling my parents home phone number and looking down to see the caller ID scream at me... Mom

To see a gift that had been lost in the busyness of the holidays with a tag that had my mom's handwriting, To Kat Love Mom and Dad...

To walk in their home to see her chair empty...

Tonight I am a mess. And while I am rejoicing with complete assurance that my Mom is with Jesus, I am also overwhelmed with grief that I will never call that number again and hear my Mom's voice answer. I am weeping that I will never again get another Christmas present with her handwriting. I am grieved that I will never again walk in my parents house to see her sitting at the kitchen table shelling peas. 

Tonight, and likely for many days to come it is my time to weep and mourn, all the while knowing that it is my Mom's time to laugh and dance.

I love you, Mom. And in the blink of an eye I will see you again.

 

Preoccupied

I am so excited about a new ministry that I am involved in. Our church started providing a weekly memory verse for every member and attender. These verses go along with the sermon series that our pastor is preaching. I have been ask to write a devotional each week to go along with the "Strength Training" verse. I am going to be posting the devotionals here so that more people can join with us in "hiding the Word of God in our hearts."

Colossians 3: 1-2 "If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth."

I remember as a young adult being preoccupied with some pretty shallow things. One house we lived in while in seminary had no curtains. That was a great source of concern for me. We were living north of Dallas, Texas and Gene was driving back and forth to Fort Worth. He would stay overnight a couple of times a week for classes, and I was at home with a new baby. We barely had enough money to pay our rent and utilities and we lived on peanut butter and jelly. There were days when Gene was in Fort Worth that I would lay on the couch with blankets completely covering both me and Will simply because we couldn't afford to turn the heat up. Still, I was upset that there were windows everywhere in that house with no curtains. This seems incredibly silly to me now.

There are many times when we as followers of Christ Jesus get our focus on things that are temporary and of no real value. These verses remind us to "seek" the things that are above, to "set" our minds on things that are above so that we don't become caught up in things that really won't matter a year, five years, or ten years from now. Our minds need to be "set" or focused on the things that will be of significance when we stand before Jesus Christ and give an answer for how we lived while on earth. The only possible way that we can accomplish this is by continually immersing ourselves in scripture and as the psalmist advises, "hiding it in our hearts."