Paper Cuts and Perspective

I love to laugh.
It is one of my favorite activities. Laughing and seeing other people laugh is such a contagious thing. I don't even mind when people laugh at me. I think many things that I do are pretty funny too. I am not a comedian in any way but I recognize that due to my ADD tendencies, I find myself in some fairly odd situations. 
I once had to keep a tissue on the end of my nose during a drama scene of a musical because my nose was bleeding. Just before that scene I was backstage and our drama director came past me with a script just at "nose level." I turned my head to look at her and, believe it or not, I got a fairly significant paper cut on the end of my nose.
I also love to laugh and joke with my family. We are all very unique in some ways and yet incredibly similar in other respects so when we are all in the same place for any length of time there are always some very funny things said or done.
Lately I haven't laughed very much and I miss it. There are some seasons of life that just don't produce many things to laugh about, and that is okay. But to be honest, every time I enter a season like this, it terrifies me. 
I have known too many people who have forgotten how to laugh. I have watched as friends let life defeat them. I have observed people who left behind the gift of laughter and became bitter. I have seen age, pain, grief and loss be allowed to steal laughter and joy.
I want to be the kind of person that is fun to be around because laughter could break out at any moment. I want the joy of my salvation in Christ Jesus to so permeate every facet of my life that even in difficult times I will still have the light of gratitude shining through me. I want gratitude to so outweigh anything else that may come into my life. I want there always to be  joy in my eyes and laughter close to my lips.  
And knowing myself as I do, a paper cut could be just around the corner.

"Then our mouth was filled with laughter,
and our tongues with shouts of joy;
then they said among the nations,
 "The Lord has done great things for them."
The Lord has done great things for us; we are glad."
Psalms 126:2-3

Contemplating My Funeral

I Wonder

I wonder what will be said about me at my funeral service

I wonder if my children will know how much I have loved them

I wonder if my husband has any idea of the deep respect and unending love that I have for him

I wonder if I have adequately been able to convey my love for my friends 

I wonder if my church family knows how grateful that I am for their acceptance and love

I wonder if walking the fine line of keeping confidences had made me seem closed 

I wonder if the pain of walking through tragedy has etched scars on my face

I wonder if being fiercely protective of my family has given the appearance of being cold

I wonder if friends or family walked a day feeling what I feel, experiencing what I live, would bring surprise

Would anyone believe my grief over my sin

Would there be embarrassment at the desperation I feel to live a life of worship

Would there be pity for the things that I have yet to overcome

I wonder if I have laughed, cried, celebrated, seen, heard, grieved, or loved as I should

I wonder if I have honored God 

I wonder if I have advanced the kingdom of God