7 Different Kinds of Crazy

When my two older children were little they would tease each other with a game that goes something like this:
"That is my momma." 
"No, she is my momma."
"She was my momma first!"

Now they play that with our youngest child too even though they are both over 20 years older than she is. I usually smile at their game until it gets to the point of, "She was my momma first." It is then that I point out the error in their thinking. I always tell them, God had a plan for all of us to be in this family long before He ever created the earth or space or time. 
So reality is that I became your mommy all at the same time. God has just allowed for it to be revealed to us at different times. That always seems to put the teasing and even arguing to rest.

Thinking about that has reminded me of the way some adults think. I have had people ask me questions like this: How do your real children feel about your adopted child?
Is it hard to love your adopted child as you do your real children?

When things like this are said to me, I would like to tell you that I respond with love and grace, but the truth is that I have to wait for my head to stop spinning on my shoulders, calm down my inner Momma Grizzly Bear, breathe deeply and then do my best not to commit a felony. 

I sometimes wonder about the faith of a person that would ask such a question. I want to ask them: "How big do you believe God to be? Is He confined to time or space or a womb that no longer exists? Is He confined by miles or oceans? Is He confined by nationalities or cultures or the color of our skin?"

Obviously the answer to all of these questions is "No!" God is not limited! There is nothing that He cannot accomplish!

Wow! That sounds like a great blog post until reality hits. That my faith is also limited, just in different areas.
Do I believe that God can: 
Feed the world's hungry
Provide homes for the millions of orphans 
Heal our nation
Bring lost and hurting people to life
Grow my church
Heal my sister-in-law

Suddenly I find that I am the one in need of Jesus refining my faith.
So I pray, "Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief." And give me the grace to help others in their unbelief as well.

I Am Alone

As I look at the world around me, more and more I see people who are alone. Our culture has become so secluded. We wake up, go about our days with little to no live human interaction. Many, if not most of our relationships occur via the Internet. For those who have no relationship with Jesus Christ the loneliness presses down with a weight so heavy that it becomes unbearable. I wonder how many people in your social network have gone weeks or more without one touch, one genuine smile, one honest face-to-face conversation? I am hoping to have my eyes open to the world around me, to see people at the heart level as Jesus sees.

I Am Alone

I am alone
I am in a crowd
No one sees me
I am alone

I am alone
One in a sea of students
They are laughing
They think they know me
I let them believe
But I am alone

I am alone
People around me
I see thier faces
Feel their pity
I have no home
I am alone

I am alone
I choose the masses
They are yelling
I sense their anger
My pain is hidden
I am alone

I am alone
Though married for decades
Children around me
Envied by many
Known by no one
I am alone

I am alone
Screaming around me
Spitting and hitting
Thorns and nails
Living, dying, living
You are not alone


Jesus said..., “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?” John 11:25-26

Beautiful and Horrible, Heart-breaking and Precious Love

My brother, Sam is a big man. I am guessing that he is around 6 feet tall and pushing the top off of 220 pounds. Being the second from the youngest in a family of eleven he learned early to defend himself both physically and verbally. Some might look at Sam and see a big guy that can be abrupt and sarcastic, but those people would have never seen Sam through Yana's eyes.
Yana is Sam's wife and Yana knew more about Sam as a freshman in high school than most will ever know or dare to look deep enough to see.
Sam was a senior and Yana a freshman when they first met. Sam was a teacher's aide in a class that Yana was in. I ask Sam how long it took him to notice her, "immediately" was his answer. He said he fell in love with her the first time he saw her.

Yana says, "I thought he was funny and sweet and had a gorgeous smile and eyes." At that time Sam was dating someone else but it wasn't long until he knew that he was in the wrong relationship.
Though Sam was not a Christ-follower, Yana prayed and ask God about dating him. She said she felt at peace continuing their relationship.
He and Yana started talking and writing letters to each other. Yana still has those letters.

They dated for six years before, as Sam says, he was mature enough to ask her to be his wife. On September 24, 1994, they were married.

This week it will be 19 years since the day we celebrated Sam and Yana's wedding. Many things have happened since that joy-full day. Sam gave to his life to Christ and has become a totally sold out follower of Jesus. They have four boys. They have worked, played, laughed, cried, and everything in between. They have coached, gone on mission trips, and given to family, friends, and anyone they have known that had a need. They give, love, and serve.

Sam and Yana are both hard workers. At times working 4 jobs between them just to keep their family going. Sam once fell asleep in a restaurant drive-thru waiting to order because he had been working too long without sleep. He is determined to provide for his family. (Although he got severely reprimanded about that one, not only by Yana but also by his sister.)

Yana and Sam have not had easy lives, however they have a great life together loving and serving Jesus, each other, family, and people around them.

Almost three years ago Yana started having some medical problems. As time has passed the symptoms have progressed. They have been to doctors and specialists. They have been to hospitals where they live and also in other states.

Yana has symptoms of seizures, although they have been told that they are not seizures. When they happen, Yana shakes violently(so much that she has to be held to get through them), cannot walk, and has recently started to temporarily lose the ability to talk after an attack. These attacks happen frequently with no apparent cause. For over two years there has been no doctor able to tell them what might be the cause of the attacks.

A few months ago Yana was diagnosed with Wilson's Disease and put on medication. While the medicine for this disease has serious side effects it is what is needed to treat the disease. Still the attacks have continued and worsened.

Last week Yana was able to talk with a doctor at Vanderbilt who specializes in movement disorders. After hours of pouring over her MRI's, her medical records and every other bit information that she could send, he is convinced that she does not have Wilson's Disease, but cannot see her until she has been off the medication that she is now on for at least a month.

While in some respects this is good news, in other respects they are left again with having no ability to treat or help her at all. Once again they have no answers.

I decided to write this blog about Sam and Yana for three reasons.

The first reason is that when I was with Sam and Yana a little over a month ago I was astounded at the gentleness and love of my brother as he held and quietly talked Yana through one of these attacks. While my heart was breaking watching her have to endure it, he was tenderly holding, whispering, and even joking with her. I saw love. Love that says I am committed to you. Love that says no matter what this life throws at us, I am here and will be here for you. Love that says you are my treasure, given to me by God Himself and I will treat you as such for all of our days. And I saw Yana's eyes. I saw in her the struggle of dealing with not only the attacks but seeing the man she loves so much as he fights the pain of watching his wife go through this but staying strong for her. It was horrible and beautiful, heart-breaking and precious. It is what real love looks like. 

The second reason is my hope that every person who reads this will put it on their social media. Maybe, somehow, someone will see it and know a doctor that would recognize Yana's symptoms and be able to offer help.

The third reason is in hopes that many people will read this and commit to praying for Sam, Yana, and their boys. God is still at work among us. Let us pray for each other as we experience things that we may never understand, and should not have to go through alone.

I want you all to know that I love this family so very much and I'm convinced that given the opportunity, you would too.

1 John 4:7
"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God."

Confessions of an Unholy Writer

There are many ways that I have grown in my faith.
I believe that walking by faith in Christ Jesus is a continuous, life-long process. I have not arrived at perfect holiness, no where near it. But I long for, I hope for, I pray for, and I strain toward becoming "holy as God is holy."
Even as I see progress in my life, I have recently become aware of an area that is sorely lacking in holiness.
As many, hundreds, even thousands of believers across the world have taken up a figurative pen and begun to write words of encouragement to send to the world through blogs, I too, am scripting words to a webpage. But, of late I have been evaluating my own writing and the motivation behind the words that I publish on this blog.
Why do I write?
Is it to encourage? Is it to let my heart be seen? Is it to "out loud" process life as it happens?
Or are there unholy things at work as I put words to the page?
"I wonder how many people will read my writing?" "Will this person or that person read my thoughts?" "What do people think of what I write?"...etc.
I am not saying that those questions are wrong in and of themselves, it is just that I am wondering why does it matter to me?
Am I honest in my words? Do I write for selfish reasons? Do I write for attention?
I am struggling through these thoughts. I so long to be a person of integrity in all that I do and say. I am struggling through my humanity. I know that as long as I walk this earth there will be times when I fail miserably, but in the deepest part of my heart and soul I long for holiness.
I never want to lean on the "well I'm only human" because I know that God has made me to desire so much more.
I pray, dear Jesus keep me moving closer to You and farther away from the sinful me that wants to be seen and heard.
I will continue to write, but I will be checking my motivation more often before I push the publish key.

Getting To Know You

The Cornett Family
We have 4 official children, One Texan, one from New York, one Virginian, and one from China. Gene is from Kentucky and I usually hail from the Mother Ship.

Our combined cultural heritage is: Native American, Scotch-Irish, German, Italian, Chinese, and Redneck.

Brown eyes dominate the Cornett family, but we have one set of green eyes that can strike fear in some of the brown ones.

We have three with dark brown hair, one light brown, one that we only guess at when purchasing the next box of Clairol and one gray turning loose.

There are three members with dark skin, two with light colored skin and one with a fairly severe farmer's tan.

Our personalities range from two mild introverts, two extroverts, one who would prefer a planet without people and one who is wild and loud enough to communicate with every person or rock on every planet in this galaxy.

All of us love to sing, though some members choose to never hold a microphone in their hands. Two of us don't need a microphone.

The whole family likes to watch movies. One of the family thoroughly enjoys the first five minutes of every movie we watch, then dreams their way through the story... beginning, middle and ending.

We all enjoy going on trips. One of us likes embarking on adventures so much they don't turn the engine off or put the car in park before getting out of it.

Our family is a family that loves to laugh. Some members are genuinely funny. Some are getting more humorous. One declares that they are pretty sure they are getting funnier all the time. The rest of the family agrees, though perhaps not for the same reason.

Most of us love to read. One of us loves to collect books in the event of ever having the chance to read them.

All of us like sports. Two of us have realized that our minds want to write checks that our bodies are just not able to cash.

Of all the differences and all the similarities, there are two common denominators that are the most important: one is that we love each other very much. We like each other. We look forward to the times we get to spend together.
The second is by far the most important: we all love Jesus Christ. We are choosing every day to be disciples (learners) and apostles (teachers) out of our love for our Lord. It is this bond that we hope to pass on for generations to come.

"Choose you this day who you will serve. As for me and my house we will serve The Lord." Joshua 24: 15

Paper Cuts and Perspective

I love to laugh.
It is one of my favorite activities. Laughing and seeing other people laugh is such a contagious thing. I don't even mind when people laugh at me. I think many things that I do are pretty funny too. I am not a comedian in any way but I recognize that due to my ADD tendencies, I find myself in some fairly odd situations. 
I once had to keep a tissue on the end of my nose during a drama scene of a musical because my nose was bleeding. Just before that scene I was backstage and our drama director came past me with a script just at "nose level." I turned my head to look at her and, believe it or not, I got a fairly significant paper cut on the end of my nose.
I also love to laugh and joke with my family. We are all very unique in some ways and yet incredibly similar in other respects so when we are all in the same place for any length of time there are always some very funny things said or done.
Lately I haven't laughed very much and I miss it. There are some seasons of life that just don't produce many things to laugh about, and that is okay. But to be honest, every time I enter a season like this, it terrifies me. 
I have known too many people who have forgotten how to laugh. I have watched as friends let life defeat them. I have observed people who left behind the gift of laughter and became bitter. I have seen age, pain, grief and loss be allowed to steal laughter and joy.
I want to be the kind of person that is fun to be around because laughter could break out at any moment. I want the joy of my salvation in Christ Jesus to so permeate every facet of my life that even in difficult times I will still have the light of gratitude shining through me. I want gratitude to so outweigh anything else that may come into my life. I want there always to be  joy in my eyes and laughter close to my lips.  
And knowing myself as I do, a paper cut could be just around the corner.

"Then our mouth was filled with laughter,
and our tongues with shouts of joy;
then they said among the nations,
 "The Lord has done great things for them."
The Lord has done great things for us; we are glad."
Psalms 126:2-3

Contemplating My Funeral

I Wonder

I wonder what will be said about me at my funeral service

I wonder if my children will know how much I have loved them

I wonder if my husband has any idea of the deep respect and unending love that I have for him

I wonder if I have adequately been able to convey my love for my friends 

I wonder if my church family knows how grateful that I am for their acceptance and love

I wonder if walking the fine line of keeping confidences had made me seem closed 

I wonder if the pain of walking through tragedy has etched scars on my face

I wonder if being fiercely protective of my family has given the appearance of being cold

I wonder if friends or family walked a day feeling what I feel, experiencing what I live, would bring surprise

Would anyone believe my grief over my sin

Would there be embarrassment at the desperation I feel to live a life of worship

Would there be pity for the things that I have yet to overcome

I wonder if I have laughed, cried, celebrated, seen, heard, grieved, or loved as I should

I wonder if I have honored God 

I wonder if I have advanced the kingdom of God

"It's Late and I Can't Sleep...So"

It has been a while since I posted, so I thought that I would write my version of  "25 Random Things About Me" in relation to a facebook post that Gene wrote a few years ago. I will give you his list first then mine.

25 Random Things about Me

by 

Dr. Roland E. Cornett, DMin.

1. There are 18 years between my second and third children
2. I lost my passport in Europe and an entire choir tour had to be re-routed because of me.
3. Unlike Aimee Powers who reads 45 books per year, I just purchase 45 books per year.
4. I have never broken a bone
5. I have been to 8 countries and saw another from about 20 feet away. They wouldn’t let me in.
6. I totaled a station wagon that belonged to Cumberland College.
7. I chose to read, from cover to cover, a 426 pg. book called How to Read A Book. I am not making this up.
8. I wanted to be an opera singer and an NBA basketball player, but not in that order.
9. I have never been to New York City. (He has been to NYC since this list was made.) 
10. I spent 9 days in London, England by myself.
11. I have an amazing wife that I love very much. 
12. I am very proud of my three(!) amazing and hysterical kids
13. I miss snow.
14. I worked for an electrical and plumbing supply store, but know nothing about either.
15. I worked for my grandmother’s farm & garden store, but don’t know how to farm or garden.
16. I have acted in the role of Lancelot, Peter, Jesus, Mordecai and a number of other random characters.
17. I always sang terribly in vocal competitions in college and only made it past the first round one time.
18. I turned in a term paper on time management exactly one month late.
19. I almost drowned at R.A. camp
20. I sat in the back seat to chaperone my sister Lara’s first date.
21. I played Santa Claus when I was skinny and had brown hair. 
22. I have never been hunting
23. I love to snow ski, but cannot figure out water skiing.
24. I once retrieved a book that I had dropped into a port a potty, but then Kat made me throw it away.
25. I have ridden a mechanical bull, and the bull was at a roller skating rink.

"It's Late and I Can't Sleep...So"

My Corresponding List

by

Kat Cornett, addwifeandmom

1. There are 18 years between my 2^nd and 3^rd children, too!

2. When Gene lost his passport on the choir trip in Europe, Not only did I surrender one of my pictures of  him for a new passport, I also paid for the new passport.

3. I read literally hundreds of books each year, most of the books have titles such as; “The Very Hungry Caterpillar,” “If You Give a Moose a Muffin,”  "A Very Veggie Christmas.”

4. I have had two broken bones. Hannah broke my arm when she was six. Gene fractured my ankle while we were playing softball.

5. I have visited 5 countries and lived in Texas for 4 years.

6. I have never wrecked or even driven a car that belonged to Cumberland College.

7. Even if I had Cliff Notes on “How to Read a Book” I would not read it.

8. I wanted to be an airplane pilot when I was growing up. Now I am the proud pilot of a minivan.

9. I have never been to Chunky, Mississippi. I have been to Hell For Certain, Kentucky.

10. I have never spent 9 days by myself. I consider it a privilege to go to the bathroom by myself without the door being banged by either a child or the dog,

11. I have the BEST husband! I married way over my head.

12. I am so proud of my 4 children. They really are hysterical.

13. I miss fussing at Will for eating all the saltine crackers.

14. I worked for McDonalds while in College. I don’t know what the French fries are made from, but I have my suspicions.

15. I have never worked for a farm or garden store, but I know how to farm and garden.

16. I have acted in the role of Randy Vaught’s wife, and a number of minor roles.

17. I won the Miss Bullitt County Pageant after showing up for the first practice sweaty and dirty from a softball game. How was I to know that I was supposed to be “dressed up?”

18. I was so naïve in college, I didn’t realize that you could turn papers in late.

19.  I almost drowned in the creek when I was little. I have so many siblings it took my parents a couple of head counts to realize one head was missing.

20. I’ve got nothing on this one!

21. I once played Randy Vaught’s wife.

22. I have been hunting, for both real and imagined critters. Snipes, anyone?

23. I will neither water ski nor snow ski. Being appropriately named I do not put myself in a position to fall.

24. I once forbade Gene to bring home a book that he dropped in a port-a-potty. I have no regrets about this decision.

25. Gene held my hand for the first time at a Roller Skating Rink. I have never been in the same room or the same county with a mechanical bull.  

   

The Great Wall

Gene, Noelle and I went out with some friends tonight. We had a very nice dinner. We had time to talk and "catch up"  It had been awhile since we had time to chat so we took our time enjoying being together. But then it happened. We finished our meals and the server ask if we wanted dessert. Because we were celebrating Gene's birthday, he was brought out a small dessert.
Typically, when we go out to eat no one has room for dessert. More times than not most of my meal comes home in a box for whoever happens to get it the next day for lunch. Tonight was the exception for me. We were at a restaurant where they put together an insane combination of chocolate, raspberry sauce and fresh berries. I confess I cannot resist. I warned Gene before we left our house that I would be ordering dessert, but I am not sure that he knew the extent of my daydreaming about it.
So as our friends were politely refusing the variety of confections offered, our server started to leave the table. A moment of sheer panic crossed my brain before I gathered myself enough to call out, "Wait! I will be having dessert! Yes, I will! And no. I do not want any of these miniature excuses for a diabetic bad dream. I want the sugar NIGHTMARE! That's right I want 'The Great Wall of Chocolate!"
Our sweet friends who had never seen this dessert smiled at my insistence but then went right back to talking.  Soon the server returned with a plate that had 6 forks on it. Odd that there were only five people at our table. But even still our friends made no comment. The moment that my dessert was placed on the table the need for all those forks became evident. This dessert is big, no huge! There are six thick layers of dark chocolate cake with a milk chocolate icing, drizzled with a pureed raspberry sauce and served with fresh blackberries, strawberries, and blueberries.
Now I had their attention. I noticed that there were several people "eying" my dessert from other tables. It was a glorious moment as I reached my fork over, shoveled a bite almost as big as Gene's entire dessert and ever so daintily shoved it in my mouth. Oh my! I then encouraged everyone at the table to get a fork and join in.
We all have the opportunity to dive deep into the Word of God. We can find joy and delight in the most filling and satisfying "meal" ever. As we learn to appreciate and love the Bible, we find that we are not satisfied with just filling ourselves, but want to share our delight with others. I am hoping and praying that many will "pick up their forks" and find joy and satisfaction in God's Word. 

Blessed is the man

Who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked

Or stand in the way of sinners

Or sit in the seat of mockers

But his delight is in the law of the Lord,

And on his law he meditates day and night.

Psalm 1: 1-2

Now, I wonder if it's too late for one more bite of that cake?

One Legged Marathon

On Tuesday night the back of my right knee started hurting really bad. In the middle of the night I kept changing between ice and heat to try to at least get to sleep. When my five year old and I got up Wednesday morning and she wasn't feeling too great so after breakfast she was laying on the couch. My leg was hurting but now it was on the front of my upper thigh. I called Gene at work and told him that I was going to call the doctor's office to get an appointment. I called the doctor right after talking to Gene. When I got off of the phone I walked over to the table to do some school work, then suddenly the pain in my leg became excruciating. I was laying over a chair trying to get to my phone. I called Gene and told him to come home that I needed to go to the ER. By the time he got home I thought that I must have a blood clot and literally was dying right there in my living room in front of my sweet baby. She was strangely calm and just kept telling me that Jesus was with me. 
All the way to the hospital the pain was so intense that I could not stop the tears from running down my face. We arrived at the E.R. to find that the hospital was literally overflowing with patients. Some people had been in E.R. rooms for 3 days because there were no other beds empty.  During my 2 hour stint in the waiting room, (could have been worse) I kept thinking that because I hadn't died yet, it seemed that whatever the source of my pain, it  would unlikely be the cause of my demise. However, when I finally was taken back to my own gurney in the hallway, the pain continued to grow worse and I wasn't sure if I was happy or in complete misery at the thoughts that I might live to see another day. 
An aside note of perspective: I am not a person who cries very much. It isn't because I don't care deeply about things, it isn't because I haven't had to deal with pain, it is more because I do deal with pain. Because of a head injury almost 16 years ago, I have found that crying just makes my headaches worse. So the logical thing to keep in mind is, "How bad do you want your head to hurt?" And, "Will I be of any use to anyone if I allow myself to cry?" These private talks make sense in my world!
Back to the privacy of my hallway gurney. By the time the doc stopped by to see me the tears were running a rampage down my face, only to be in competition with the constant stream from my nose. My thoughts were on neither of those things. My thoughts, beside the "I am not going to live through this one" kept going to two things. 
The first was this: "Jesus, the pain that You endured for me was so much more than what I am feeling. You could have stopped it. Yet You endured it for me." 
The second thought was "Jesus, steady my heart for the pain that I am in. Steady my heart."
I hope that this doesn't seem super-spiritual, it is quite the opposite. I was in horrible pain and was seeking, begging for relief. But I have chosen so many times in circumstances of lesser pain to believe that God loves me, has a plan for me, is refining me, and is always faithful, that the longer I live in relationship with the Almighty God, the more I know that He is the only one that I turn to when I am in need. I am so grateful to Him for giving me another day with my family and friends. I am extremely thankful that He has let me live in a time where there is a hospital with physicians and prescription pain meds close to our house. I am most grateful that The God of all creation wants to be in an intimate relationship with me. 
Post script. Even with a second episode and visit to the doctor, they have no idea what is going on. I ask for your prayers. 
Thanks for reading.

Torn Muscles and Enlarged Hearts

Every time I sit to write some thought provoking or at least semi-intelligent blog, I realize that I have no ideas that haven't been already expressed, no joys not previously celebrated, no griefs that are new, no trials that would surprise, no counsel unspoken. While that may leave me at a loss for words it also brings a strange since of comfort. 

I am hopefully nearing the end of my bout with the influenza virus and am finally feeling somewhat human again. This too has been an experience though most unpleasant and filled with moments of being downright painful is not new, and is in light of eternity, very temporary. There are so many things in this life that can be filed in this category: not new, not original, and temporary.

As Solomon says in Ecclesiastes, "There is nothing new under the sun." 

As I have contemplated these thoughts they have reminded me of biology. (That is just the way my mind works!) For those who wish to have a muscular body, there is a process that must happen. For muscles to be "built" they must be torn down first. Not just once but many times. Over and over. Tearing down then building up. What is odd about this process is that with with each tearing there is a new level of strength, of endurance that is built. In order to become a physically strong person, one must be willing to go through the long process of being torn down again and again. 

It is no surprise to find then to become a person of Christlike character a similar process needs to occur. I would guess that in most cases the end result would demand an even longer and more stringent process of tearing down and building up. The tendency of humans, certainly myself, is that with a temporary dose of the process the only thing that gets built is pride. Pride building up is a toxin that given time and freedom destroys its host. However, with trouble, sickness, heartache, loneliness, being misunderstood and other pain, we find that through the "tear down- build up" process our hearts, our souls, can become large. We can learn that there is Someone who has gone before us. One who has known every pain, every heartache, has known loneliness in a way we could never imagine. He, being God in the flesh, Jesus Christ, is in charge of our hearts, if we have given ourselves to Him. He is in charge of our hearts, minds, emotions, our very souls. So with every "tear-down" that He allows to enter our lives, there is a process in action to build us up. A beautiful building of strength and love and compassion that is enlarging our hearts for each other and for those who suffer and are in need. For those lonely and in pain. And with every enlarged heart there is a death-blow dealt to pride because we know that we would never ask for these lessons. They are a gift from the One who sees and knows everything. He knows that while we may see our circumstances as trials, He knows they have been allowed as "strength training."

My encounter with the flu has not been a great trial but it has led me to remember that while I have nothing original going on in my life, God Himself has very unique thoughts and plans for me. And those plans include things that will tear down, build up, strengthen, grow, and enlarge my heart. I will not invite hard things into my life, but I am praying that I will not run from the things that will serve to help me know Christ more intimately. 

                     "But that's not all! We gladly suffer,  because we know that suffering helps us to endure.  And endurance builds character, which gives us a hope  that will never disappoint us. All of this happens because God has given us the Holy Spirit, who fills our hearts with his love." (Romans 5:3-5 CEV)