Today is my day for grief. It is not that I set it on the calendar, Kat's Grief Day. It just is. In spite of my mind's constant arguing that it is illogical. It still is.
Let me explain.
Before we adopted our precious daughter, the Adoption Agency mandated (Thankfully) that we go through classes to help prepare us for adopting. One of these classes was about Loss and Grief. For every person, there are losses in their life, and they included everything from death of a family member, loosing ability to function as we once did due to aging, loosing relationships. etc... With every loss comes grief. For example... We loose the ability to open a jar without help, then there will be the grief of facing our humanity and inevitable mortality. These concepts are not new, nor morbid, they just are a part of being human.
For the past several months there have been many changes in my life, in our lives as a family. I am not typically one who minds change. I am convinced in my soul that with every change comes the benefit of knowing God in a new way. Today, in spite of this deep conviction, my heart is set on grieving.
The process of moving from one place and era of my life has been long, grueling at times, and consumed with activity. This past Thursday we closed on our former residence and officially moved. We are still living a nomadic existence, waiting on the new house to be finished. But in the minds of most, including myself, this was a closing of sorts on the old and a beginning of the new.
Before I continue, let me remind all 6 or 7 of you who read my blog, I am still completely convinced that we are exactly in the place we are supposed to be. However, there has been loss in our lives, my life these past few months. The loss of home. Home, not just the place but the position. Home, the place of familiarity. The place of routine. The place of purpose.
There has also been the loss of ministry. I have been one of the worship leaders in our previous church for years. I feel a huge passion for leading
God's people in authentic worship. I am grieving the loss of that ministry.
I know that this is a time of being still, of refining. But, it is a loss for me to grieve. I also know deep in my soul that God has designed the human heart. With that heart He has assured me that there is a time for everything, a time to mourn and a time to dance.
So right now I will grieve the losses and look forward to the time when I can once again celebrate the new adventure that God has for me and my family.
There has also been the loss of ministry. I have been one of the worship leaders in our previous church for years. I feel a huge passion for leading
God's people in authentic worship. I am grieving the loss of that ministry.
I know that this is a time of being still, of refining. But, it is a loss for me to grieve. I also know deep in my soul that God has designed the human heart. With that heart He has assured me that there is a time for everything, a time to mourn and a time to dance.
So right now I will grieve the losses and look forward to the time when I can once again celebrate the new adventure that God has for me and my family.
" There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance"
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance"
Ecclesiastes
3:1-4
8. I think I'm person number 8 who reads your blog? :) Thanks for sharing that it's ok and healthy to have periods in life where we don't have to pretend everything is fine. When it lifts, and it will, you'll see a brightness a little more than ever before because you'll be aware and thankful. Until then you have loved ones and Him. Miss you.
ReplyDeleteMiss you Beth! Thanks for your kind, compassionate words. I really hope that people who read this will feel and understand my joy, pain, silliness, and love for life. I want to show that I am a real person with a real life and I hope that everyone around me feels the freedom to be the REAL person they are too. Not asking much, am I ? :-D
Delete#9 here. I love how you open your heart to us, and what a beautiful heart it is! You're the anti-reality show, the anti-superficiality. Love it. Love and miss you guys.
ReplyDeleteAh Kat. You bring glory to God in all things. You let Him use you no matter where you are and how you feel. Thanks for sharing your heart. Love you friend.
ReplyDeleteRick and Peggy, I know that God has you on this earth for a lot more than just encouraging me. But...I am so grateful for the gift of the two of you in my life. I love that you both will risk everything to do God's calling on your lives. I pray that I will follow your example! Love you my dear friends!
ReplyDeleteIt took courage to be so transparent, Kat. I think others will read it and be relieved!
ReplyDeleteGrieving is necessary to fully move forward into what God has next for us. Whether it's a big change like relocation, or a change in a relationship, it still needs to be processed accordingly.
Praying for your new adventure! You will be awesome. :D